Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
