Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
