Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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