So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
