Hey man sorry I got all grabby
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
