Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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