I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
