Got a toothbrush?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The adults are the big ones right?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize