How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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