You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
