I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
