I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wear drunk well.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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