Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
