the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
