No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
