It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
