Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
