Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
