we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
