I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
