i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
