I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
