i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
