You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's get the cat blown out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
