It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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