and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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