btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize