She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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