I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
