Where did you get a picture of my penis
literally had 100 drinks last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
