dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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