I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
