I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
