mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
