So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
