Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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