Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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