Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
