Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
