wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
