marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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