break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ugly people sure do ruin things
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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