no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
and you fell through a lawn chair
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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