I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
