you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
