the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
