bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
