pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
