The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
