ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
