I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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