she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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