went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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