i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
