It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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