I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
