I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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