Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
