I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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