we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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