woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
jump out the window naked night went bad
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