I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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