She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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