i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize