Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
