Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
