ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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