So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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