I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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