mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
