remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
