Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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