I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
