I got chris browned last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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