it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
there is glitter all over my balls
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