just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
