This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
