so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
