My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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