you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
smell my finger.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
