I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I had to cum in my sink.
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