What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
