Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
