At least make sure they are 18
Why
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
