Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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