I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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