Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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