I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
