I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
