I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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