There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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