I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
